Rabid traffic wardens descend on M20 car park desperate to get their ticket fix
Families braced to receive ‘influx of crap’ from panic buyers
Savvy Boris dodges potentially ‘Hellish’ Christmas with the in-laws
Hunting parties being exempt from the rule of 6 ‘shows how compassionate and in touch with the general public we are’ confirms Boris.
Freelance photographers still patiently waiting to snap first photo of Prince Andrew sweating
Sadomasochist left deeply disappointed after seeing #MaskMoaners trending on twitter.
PM finally happy to encourage face masks, now lucrative contracts are finalised and in place
FBI can question Prince Andrew on US soil as soon as Anne Sacoolas Is handed over, UK confirm
Man with top knot regrets getting matching ball knot after unfortunate zipper incident
Trump praying he didn’t claim tax back on any Epstein ‘Country retreat’ expenditures
‘There’s the guy who cut free TV licences for the elderly! Get him!’ Yells Johnson et al
‘Bre-X-it Gon’ Give It to Ya’ as PM asks rapper DMX to join the negotiation team
President of Brazil struck down with a severe case of irony
Government ‘shocked’ to discover drunk people aren’t capable of social distancing
