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23rd December 2020 Acton Murry

Boris trials new flavours of lockdown including: ‘Lockdown lite’, ‘Lockdown Zero’ and ‘I can’t believe it’s not Lockdown

22nd December 2020 Acton Murry

Rabid traffic wardens descend on M20 car park desperate to get their ticket fix

21st December 202021st December 2020 Acton Murry

Families braced to receive ‘influx of crap’ from panic buyers

20th December 2020 Acton Murry

Savvy Boris dodges potentially ‘Hellish’ Christmas with the in-laws

17th September 2020 Acton Murry

Hunting parties being exempt from the rule of 6 ‘shows how compassionate and in touch with the general public we are’ confirms Boris.

11th August 202011th August 2020 Acton Murry

Freelance photographers still patiently waiting to snap first photo of Prince Andrew sweating

15th July 202015th July 2020 Acton Murry

Sadomasochist left deeply disappointed after seeing #MaskMoaners trending on twitter.

14th July 2020 Acton Murry

PM finally happy to encourage face masks, now lucrative contracts are finalised and in place

13th July 202013th July 2020 Acton Murry

FBI can question Prince Andrew on US soil as soon as Anne Sacoolas Is handed over, UK confirm

11th July 2020 Acton Murry

Man with top knot regrets getting matching ball knot after unfortunate zipper incident

10th July 2020 Acton Murry

Trump praying he didn’t claim tax back on any Epstein ‘Country retreat’ expenditures

10th July 2020 Acton Murry

‘There’s the guy who cut free TV licences for the elderly! Get him!’ Yells Johnson et al

9th July 2020 Acton Murry

‘Bre-X-it Gon’ Give It to Ya’ as PM asks rapper DMX to join the negotiation team

8th July 2020 Acton Murry

President of Brazil struck down with a severe case of irony

5th July 2020 Acton Murry

Government ‘shocked’ to discover drunk people aren’t capable of social distancing

4th July 2020 Acton Murry

Jubilation as model villages are allowed to re-open (and apparently pubs too)

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