23rd December 2020 Acton Murry

Boris trials new flavours of lockdown including: ‘Lockdown lite’, ‘Lockdown Zero’ and ‘I can’t believe it’s not Lockdown

22nd December 2020 Acton Murry

Rabid traffic wardens descend on M20 car park desperate to get their ticket fix

21st December 202021st December 2020 Acton Murry

Families braced to receive ‘influx of crap’ from panic buyers

20th December 2020 Acton Murry

Savvy Boris dodges potentially ‘Hellish’ Christmas with the in-laws

17th September 2020 Acton Murry

Hunting parties being exempt from the rule of 6 ‘shows how compassionate and in touch with the general public we are’ confirms Boris.

11th August 202011th August 2020 Acton Murry

Freelance photographers still patiently waiting to snap first photo of Prince Andrew sweating

10th August 20209th August 2020 Acton Murry

UK enters second week of attempting to appease angry fire god with sacrificial fair haired offerings

5th August 20205th August 2020 Acton Murry

People who were desperate to return to work for months already praying for it to be Friday, new study reveals

21st July 2020 Acton Murry

‘NHS not for sale’ confirms government that can’t decide what day it is

15th July 202015th July 2020 Acton Murry

Sadomasochist left deeply disappointed after seeing #MaskMoaners trending on twitter.