Savvy Boris dodges potentially ‘Hellish’ Christmas with the in-laws

By Acton Murry

Prime Minister Boris Johnson pulled a blinder last night by fulfilling every married man’s ultimate fantasy; creating a cast Iron excuse not to have Christmas with the In-laws.

In a Larking Herald exclusive interview, Mr Johnson said: ‘I had been holding out, trying to give the whole nation some form of Christmas and, most importantly, some retail spending time. Then Carrie turned to me and said ‘what time shall I tell my mother to come over for?’, I nearly bolted!’.

Blindsided and out manoeuvred, Boris rallied from the shock to pull one last trick out his sleeve:

‘Well I couldn’t say I had Covid, she’s still suspicious from last time after she walked in on a nurse giving me a very, er, odd way of taking a pulse’.

‘That’s when I realised, if I put all of London into tier 4 overnight, we can’t travel anywhere or have people over! I mean were not Dominic Cummings!’.

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