By Tony Curram
The overly awaited Russia report, a detailed analysis of alleged Russian interference in the 2017 general election and the 2016 Brexit vote, is to be published next week as Putin finally finishes crucial last edit.
With the report being completed last year, many have speculated that the repeat delays means the report most likely contains details embarrassing for the Conservatives, such as both Brexit and our current government only existing due to influence by a foreign power. However Dominic Raab was quick to squash rumours:
“We (the conservatives) look forward to the publication of the Russia report, now that Putin and his operatives have finished making their own amendments after hacking the publication off our secure servers,”
“It turns out Putin is a very slow reader which, adding to his busy schedule of meddling with the US and flexing in eastern Europe, has caused quite a delay in the report’s release.”