By Tony Curram

A man from Brighton is said to be ‘recovering as well as can be expected’ after an unfortunate incident involving a Jeans zipper and a ‘unique man-scaping’ choice.

Mr Shields decided to get a top knot (a type of haircut some men choose to insist is trendy and cool) a few years ago after seeing several other men with one, insisting it showed how unique and trend setting they were; Mr Shields decided to jump on the band wagon.

“At first I got loads of attention and questions about it,” explained Mr Shields “but then people just got used to it; even people in the street just ignored it! So I thought I’d mix things up abit, the next logical step was to get a ‘bottom knot’ to go with the top knot. And that’s when things went…horribly wrong.”

“It was all fine, and looked great; a real conversation starter! That was until I tried fitting back into my skinny jeans, I wrestled with the fly for a few seconds and decided to try and yank it up with brute force. I won’t describe what happened next, it’s still too raw and makes me wince, but if you’ve seen ‘Something about Mary’, I didn’t just get frank and beans the wrong way round; I made a damn sandwich!”

We asked the medical team who treated Mr Shields in A&E for comment on his condition, but they were all too busy laughing to be coherent.