Trump administration buys up global stocks of Hydrogen Peroxide

By Tony Curram

Trump has shocked the world by going on a spending spree this week, by buying up the world’s next three month supply of Hydrogen Peroxide, Oreos and Covid medication Remdesivir.

“He does love his Oreos,” said one White House spokesman “And we can’t be having a President with a bad hair day, have you seen Boris Johnson?? He looks like he’s been dragged for a hedge backwards.”

“Anyway, while we were at it, we thought we should get something for the American people: Remdesivir. A drug that costs over $1500 for a treatment and successfully reduces the recovery time by 2-3 days. I’m sure our medical system will be reasonable with it and charge a mere $3000.”

The buying spree has sparked outrage and condemnation from other world leaders, one UK health expert said:

“I first I was worried, then I realised the Americans being Americans had just mass brought the most expensive, least effective option. Dexamethasone, which reduces fatality by 33% (a tad more impressive than making you feel a little better 3 days quicker), is still widely and easily available and costs just £5 per treatment.”

“But what we’re really worried about is what if this had been a vaccine? Would they have brought the whole world’s supply in one go? It’s almost like there’s a dark side to rampant capitalism…”

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