Boris vehemently denies shitting his pants whilst doing a press up

By Tony Curram

During an interview designed to boost public confidence in the government and reassure the public that we have a solid post Covid economic recovery plan, a bizarre turn of events saw the PM throw himself to the floor and carry out a press up to show he was ‘as fit as a butchers dog’.

While the act has been met mostly with mocking over the last few days, with some comparing it to an act straight out of the Putin play book, new evidence has come to light that maybe the PM isn’t quite as fit and healthy as he reports.

“I was going around emptying the bins, when I noticed this god-awful stench,” said a Westminster cleaner who wishes to remain anonymous “I zeroed in on the cause of the smell and found a distinctly well warn pair of boxer shorts, full of extremely lumpy’ skid marks and the initials ‘BJ’ written in the back,”

“I instantly recognised them as the PM’s underwear from the day of the press up; he likes to ‘accidentally’ be getting half-dressed when the female staff are around, so I see his underwear on a regular basis.”

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