Number of children living in poverty increases as Boris Johnson dodges child support payments

By Tony Curram

Many journalists have taken on a mammoth fact-checking exercise, after several bold claims from Boris Johnson that poverty has fallen under his government, resulting in a rather unusual find. Journalist Sean Peters said:

“I noticed a lot of careful wording in his statements; he didn’t say ‘under Conservative government’, who have been in for 10 years now, but said under ‘his government’, which has been around for five minutes. So I started digging,”

“Turns out there’s now an extra 300,000 children living below the poverty line, with an estimated 87% of them possibly belonging to the PM who has not paid a single penny of child support in his life!”

One single mother, who wished to remain anonymous said: “He used to come into my coffee shop. One day he was the last customer in while I was shutting up. He came over and muttered some Latin to me; it must have been some kind of spell because the next thing I knew I was waking up naked and alone in my bed,”

“I’m not interested in him having an active role in my child’s life, when he asks about his father I just say he was a bin man, you know; something respectable and actually works for a living. I just wish he was financially support us.”

The press took there findings to Mr Johnson who released the following statement:

“Firstly, I take great pride and responsibility in my young; at least the ones I’m aware of. Secondly, I can’t be held responsible for what may or may not happen whilst under the influence of Latin.

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