‘Why don’t we just hire the A-team?’ asks Dominic Raab

By Tony Curram

Dominic Raab has left fellow Tories concerned for his mental well being today, after a perplexing and worrying outburst during a cabinet meeting. Michael Gove said:

“It was weird, Matt was blubbering on about wasting £13million on a track and trace app that doesn’t work, people were panicking about Brexit and all manner of things, and then Dominic just loudly and confidently declared ‘Why don’t we just hire the A-team?’, as if we were all idiots for not thinking of it sooner.”

“They’re all idiots,” claimed Dominic Raab “I’m the real brains of the outfit. I was doing some internet research on stuff, like how Dover is important for trade and Game of Thrones references. And then I came across this advert for professional services,”

“Don’t let this distract you from the fact that in 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.”

“They sound perfect for the job!” continued Raab, beaming like an idiot “we have loads of problems that none of us can help with or have any idea how to resolve, why not get these guys in on an advisers fee!”

At this point Mr Raab was led away by an assistant. Priti Patel simply said:

“See this? This is why I bully people!”

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