‘Trust your common sense’ says man who caught Covid after shaking hands with everyone during a photo op at a hospital.

By Tony Curram

Prime Minister Boris Johnson today announced that pubs and restaurants have the green light to reopen and only observe a one meter social distancing rule, so venues can remain profitable. Many critics say this is blatantly not safe, however Boris merely replied:

“We are going to trust the UK public to use their common sense.” However, some were quick to point out a crucial flaw in the Prime Ministers logic.

“Hang on,” said a BBC correspondent “Isn’t this the man who said openly to journalists that he went around a hospital shaking hands with everyone he met, and then a week later went man down shit-pants with Covid 19??”

“He’s surrounded by experts! A whole army of advisers, he’s had tens of thousands of pounds of private education! And he wants the general public to just ‘use their common sense’?! A lot of them haven’t got GCSE’s! Or teeth!”

However pub owners were confident they had put measures in place to keep things at a reasonable level of safe. Mr Greenham, owner of the ‘Jolly Farmer’ said:

“We’ve put clear floor markings in place, and screens up at the tills. And we’ve removed ‘come on Eileen’ from the juke box, so that should help encourage social distancing when the amber nectar starts flowing.”

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