German man Christian Brückner being blamed for absolutely everything

By Ellie Taylor

With Kate and Gerry McCann still denying any involvement in the suspicious ‘disappearance’ of their daughter (despite the public having access to a lot of information to the contrary) the police are getting fed up. 

The case has been ongoing for 13 years, with no knew lead. Most had forgotten the case, resigning themselves that they would never know the truth – then one career minded German Police officer had an idea:

“I found a prisoner with a similar charge against him, and when we heard him discussing his prior visits to Portugal with inmates, I had a brain wave – this is the perfect guy! I’m bound to get promoted for this!” Said Sgt. Schneider. “Since then, we’ve worked tirelessly to pin all currently unsolved cases on him. It makes it easier for everybody; he’s already in prison and the public get closure. Win-win.” 

“I put out the announcement on our shared international database, and that’s when things kind of started back firing a little bit; everyone started jumping on the band wagon!”

China have claimed the man was seen wandering the streets of Wuhan several days before the first confirmed cases of Covid, hanging around in a local wet market with a persistent cough. Meanwhile ‘Russian tourists’ Alexander Petrov and Ruslan Boshirov claim they saw the man in Salisbury whilst visiting the Cathedral on the day of the Novichok poisoning.

Even Australia and Britain have jumped on the band wagon with Australia blaming Brückner for the devastating fires, while Britain have accused him of being behind failed flood defences back in February and, of course, Brexit. 

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