Britain lower Covid threat level back from ‘rather miffed’ to ‘let’s put the kettle on’.

By Tony Curram

When the world wide death toll raised to more than 3,000, the UK made the dynamic decision to raise our Coronavirus threat from ‘mild inconvenience’ to ‘let’s put the kettle on’, as reported by The Larking Herald on the 3rd of March 2020.

Then on the 1st of April 2020, as the world wide death toll reached over 44,000, the UK government raised our threat level to ‘rather miffed’. We are now finally lowering that threat level back down to ‘let’s put the kettle on’, as pubs gear up to open their doors.

“This is significant,” explained chief medical officer Professor Chris Whitty “People will be excited that things are going back to a sense of normality, however we must emphasise that it is no fully safe and its wealth before health; you need to at least be using masks and ventilation.”

The UK only has one level higher than ‘rather miffed’; ‘Bloody livid’. The UK hasn’t been ‘Bloody livid’ since the Falklands conflict in 1982. Many are concerned that by dropping back to ‘let’s put the kettle on’ could cause many to stop taking the threat seriously.

“When we first wrote this satire piece, escalating the threat stance from ‘mild inconvenience’, to ‘let’s put the kettle on’, the UK’s Coronavirus death toll sat at zero” explained editor and writer at The Larking Herald, Acton Murry “In just under a month It jumped to 2,352,”

“Three months later, the UK death toll is 42,927, and still climbing. Yes it’s dropped and slowed, but people are still dyeing,”

“So when the government tell you it’s ok to go to the pub and the shops remember; wealth before health. It’s not actually safe. We just can’t afford to stay shut anymore.”

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