Industry insists reducing braking distance to one car length to remain economically viable

By Tony Curram

The government has been pleaded with to reduce the recommended braking distance to just one car length universally, regardless of additional variables such as road conditions, speed and vehicle age.

Many argue the move will enable more cars to be on the road at once, enabling goods to be delivered in greater volume and speed, enabling businesses to remain economically viable. Many complain that the current sanctions means many business physically cannot serve enough customers a day to remain profitable.

“I run a haulage company and we’re struggling, big time.” Said Managing Director Mr Stevenage “If I could pack my trucks almost nose to nose on UK roads at 70mph, I could hit so many more delivery routes a day and remain economically viable.”

However, critics of the move say simply people will fucking die. “The safety distance is there for a reason,” said Mr White from Hull “It’s based on scientific fact, and manages most common variables to give a uniform level of safety; reducing a safety distance makes it no longer a safety distance. Just an arbitrary distance pulled out of thin air.”

Downing Street was approached for comment, we managed to find Dominic Raab as he’d locked himself out of his office, again.

“Ah yes, well, I know this is a matter of most importance for the prime minister, and I’m sure he’ll make an announcement on the matter soon,”

“Just as soon as he reappears from the fridge.”

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