By Tony Curram
UK TV viewers yesterday were left with a vaguely familiar bad taste in their mouth and desire to bleach their eyeballs, not felt since Jedward were last on our screens, after both Brexit and Coronavirus took centre stage together on UK TV.
The duo had viewers in their millions muttering ‘fuck this’ and reaching for the remote, putting anything from BBC 3’s Hot Property on, to some even resorting to watching re-runs of tipping point. The duo was so poorly received that broadcasters have been inundated with requests to show the topics separately, ‘if at all’.
“I almost drunk myself into a coma!” Said Mrs Reed from Dorking “The usual doom and gloom Coronavirus started on the TV, like expected; I was braced for that. I didn’t expect to get blindsided by Brexit and Michael Gove’s horrid little face trying to act like anyone has clue. Honestly, I think I’d trust him more if he was still using cocaine,”
“Then just when I didn’t think I could take anymore, Coronavirus was back! It was like hell on Earth! I’d take Jedward performing ‘Lipstick’ over and over again for an hour over that!”
To many people dismay, Jedward has apparently heard news of a ‘rival dynamically shit duo’ and taken it as a challenge and opportunity to relaunch their music career.
“Yea, we’ve got Tara Reid on board to perform in our music videos,” said John, or Edward, who cares “Its going to be terribly great! Assuming we can get her sobre!”