Health concerns as Prince Phillip ‘scared to stand still’ in case he’s mistaken for a statue

By Tony Curram

Prince Phillips personal physicians are concerned for his heart after the Royal took up doing laps of the palace, for fear of being mistaken for another racist statue.

“It’s all rather terrifying,” explained the 99 year old royal “I’m not worried that people will attack me personally for being racist; I’m a doddering old man. No one would harm an OAP. But if I seize up again, I’m concerned people may mistake me for an effigy and send me for a swim.”

Dr Fielding, Prince Phillips personal physician said “We’re deeply concerned between the stress and the sudden dramatic uptake in physical exertion, his heart may not be up to the task. Although we’re glad he’s taking up walking rather than driving; we took him for an eye test the other day and he couldn’t even see the castle!”

Prince Phillip isn’t the only person to be on high alert since statues with a link to slavery and racism have been vandalised and even removed. One street performer, Mr Stuart said:

“I’m scared to go out in public at the moment! I used to perform right next to the Colston statue; what if a terrible mistake in identity took place?!”

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