By Tony Curram
People who start sentences with the declaration ‘I’m not racist’, followed with a ‘but’ tend to end in something rather racist, a new government study has revealed.
The Government think tank was originally formed to ascertain why many MP’s and voters believed the Tory Government and Prime Minister may be institutionally racist. However after a two minute google search revealed several examples of Mr Johnson using terms such as ‘piccaninnies’ with ‘watermelon smiles’, and comparing Muslim women to letter boxes, the think tank decided to broaden their study so as to justify their allocated time.
“Yea, it was a clear cut assignment” said lead researcher Dr Owens “I got to the bit where he once said ‘Malaysian women only go to university to find men to marry’ and called it a day. And the whole Windrush scandal, which could have been prevented if someone in the Tories just gave a crap? I just copied and pasted the Wikipedia page into the report.”
“So we had a few days left over and got bored, and started trawling through social media and made quite the discovery when it comes to peoples status updates regarding racial topics; nearly all posts starting with ‘I’m not racist but’, ended in something racist. It’s weird! Why would you say you’re not racist, then be racist? It’s a classic sign of unconscious biases.”
“Another one that kept popping up was usually a reply to a friend or family member pointing out how they were being racist or unsympathetic, which was ‘Don’t get me wrong’. Which was also a bit of a logical fallacy as for one thing, they merely repeated their prior point with subtle word changes and no further clarification. And for another, no one ‘got them wrong’ in the first place; they were just plain wrong.