UK funeral directors left deeply conflicted, as daily death toll plummets below 100

By Acton Murry

UK funeral directors have been left fighting a deep internal conflict today, as the UK death toll has finally began to taper off significantly. One funeral director, who asked to remain anonymous said:

“It’s great the death toll has dropped substantially. Really. We may work in this industry, but we hate to see death as much as the next person; the families anguish, the crushing sense of mortality. It takes a toll. Especially in this times, where families and friends don’t get to say a proper good bye.”

“It’s hopeful that soon we can return to normal, and less families will have to suffer, and those that do will get to say a proper farewell….Although…”

“On the other hand, the extra business has enabled me to pay off several business loans early and even start making over payments on the mortgage of my family home; I’d be lying if I said a part of me hasn’t appreciated the extra custom.”

Many funeral homes have been overwhelmed with bookings, with one owner even resorting to storing extra coffins in his garage and spare bedroom to ensure they don’t experience a supply shortage.

“Yea, it’s definitely, DEFINITELY, a good thing…. Although, the savings account has never looked healthier. God I’m so conflicted right now. Am I a bad person?!

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