UK Government criticised for under-funding beaches to facilitate social distancing

By Tony Curram

The UK government’s handling of the coronavirus pandemic faced fresh criticism today, as the UK public expressed their frustration at years of underfunding, systematic dismantling and failed development of popular UK beaches to enable social distancing.

“I mean it’s one thing to underfund the NHS,” ranted Mr Cooper from Bognor “But really, that only affects sick people. And I’m not sick! Not expanding our beaches so tens of thousands of us can flock to them and enjoy them as our holidays in Maga are cancelled is downright despicable.”

Many have faced criticism from social media users for flocking to packed public parks and beaches in their thousands, despite those present claiming they stuck to strict social distancing (you’ve documented the whole thing on Instagram Karen, we have eyes and we know what two meters looks like).

“If the beach was bigger it wouldn’t make it look so crowded,” said Karen from Kent “I mean, I had the completely unique idea of spending some time in the sun on the beach, and when I arrived it was heaving!”

“I mean, I did think about turning around and going home when it was obvious social distancing wasn’t going to be achievable, but we’d driven all that way; it would be stupid to waste the journey, and irresponsible to the planet to waste that fuel!”

On the plus side in two weeks’ time Karen probably won’t have to worry too much about how to occupy herself.

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