‘You think this is bad; don’t check my hard drive!’ says Dom the Dom

By Tony Curram

Dominic Cummings has been left confused and annoyed after coming under heavy criticism for supposedly breaking lockdown restrictions, interrupting his usual ‘play time’ with Prime Minister Boris Johnson.

“I’m surprised this has caused such back lash, if I’m honest” said Mr Cummings “I mean, in the grand scheme of things I’ve done and been the master mind behind, a long car journey is pretty low on the list,”

Mr Cummings has been heavily criticised after making a 260 mile journey to County Durham with his wife and child, while apparently suffering from COVID symptoms; including a detour to Barnard Castle to ‘test his vision’.

His actions have sparked outrage amongst the UK public; many have died alone, with no one at their funeral. Terminally ill patients are spending the last of their days behind locked doors, away from treasured loved ones, with many now believing ‘one rule for us, another rule for ‘Dodgy Dom’.

“My mother us terminally ill in Wales” said one man “I don’t know if i’ll see her alive again, but i haven’t travelled to see her to respect the lockdown; why should anyone respect the lockdown when those who write and advocate it, flaunt it’?”

When asked for a public apology, Mr Cummings surprised media by stating ‘I don’t regret what I did’, going on to say:

“I’ve done some deplorable things in my time, just look at me! I’m clearly a psychotic deviant. If you saw me in the street, your stranger danger would be going haywire! So a little trip with my family for my wife’s birthday treat – I mean – for child care, really doesn’t rank up there,”

“I would fully accept an inquiry; just give me a heads up so I can microwave a few hard drives and ‘tidy’ the basement…”

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