By Acton Murry
Mr and Mrs Finch from Kent have candidly spoken out about how they’ve been keeping things ‘fresh and exciting’ during lockdown; talking dirty to each other.
“We started off in the first few weeks with the usual pillow talk,” said Mrs Finch “You know, the usual; ‘I want to kiss you all over’ and ‘you grab the Gerbil, I’ll get the tube’. That kind of stuff. But after a while, with the days blending into one, things started getting dull. That’s when things started getting really intense.”
“I’ll admit, I was a bit apprehensive at first,” said an awkward Mr Finch “I mean, we’ve done pretty much everything at least once, but this was a whole new level for me.”
The couple say the discovery was quite accidental, and occurred one evening whilst watching Master Chef, when Mrs Finch commented ‘I’d do terrible things to a Big Mac right now’, sending Mr Finch’s Imagination racing.
“I just went along with it, it was all so natural; it just slipped out! I just casually said ‘yea? What would you do to it?’ I honestly didn’t recognise the woman talking back to me.”
“I’d take it in both hands, and see how much I could fit in my mouth at once! And I’d have a strawberry milkshake to wash it down. I’d have chicken nuggets to my left, and a pile of cheeseburgers to my right! Then I’d….
We had to cut the interview short at this point as things got very no PG.