Man who thought he’d be PM also thinks schools are safe to re-open

By Tony Curram

Michael Gove, a man who thought admitting historic cocaine use to the British press would be a good idea, and thought he’d be the next Prime Minister, now thinks schools are perfectly safe to reopen.

It’s believed Mr Gove made the announcement assuming it would pacify parents’ concerns, whilst completely unaware most of the UK deem him a f**king idiot who looks like a caricature tree-frog drawing gone wrong. Mrs Dennis from Manchester said:

“I was on the fence about sending the kids back in June, but then that Gove bloke opened his mouth to say it was safe so now I know it’s not. I mean, nothing screams send the poor in first like Eton closing its doors until at least September,”

“Meanwhile some twitsays ‘yea sure, send the public school kids back in a couple of weeks, its plenty safe’, all the while working from home because it’s still deemed too unsafe for ‘highly educated’ adults, who understand social distancing, to go to work.”

While England appears set to re-open 01 June, operating on the current scientific evidence that shows children are poor spreaders of the disease, and very rarely get severely ill, Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland have all chosen to keep their schools closed. Nicola Sturgeon said:

“If you want to operate under the advice of a bloke who went into a hospital ward treating coronavirus and shook hands with everyone, then spent 6 weeks battling the illness himself whilst scratching his head, wondering where he caught it from, you crack on.”

“I’m going to stay at home until my cellar is out of Buckfast.”

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