Internet porn reserves running dangerously low, confirm industry experts

By Tony Curram

Internet porn levels are reaching ‘critical’ many experts believe, as more and more young men step forward announcing they’ve completed it.

“Why do you think after it leaked we may be locked up for weeks, suddenly there was a mass toilet roll and tissue shortage?” remarked porn addict Mark Richards “We knew it didn’t cause the runs; but we also knew porn hub was offering out free subscriptions so… pass me a Red Bull and two packs of Kleenex.”

Porn reserves were once believed to be infinite, like space or one of Trumps rants; it just goes on and on. Beloved TV character, Dr Cox from Scrubs once said: “I’m fairly sure if they took porn off the internet, there’d only be one website left, and it’d be called Bring back the porn!”

However an unprecedented uptake in consumption, combined with a previously unknown shortage of new material, means sites are rapidly running out. Stephen Cummins from Bristol said:

“It’s scary times! I’ve completed 3 out of 4 of my usual sites, and on that one I’m down to the ‘vintage stuff’. You know; where everyone has pubic hair that looks like an afro or jumbo brillo pad. I spend half the time trying to work out what’s going on.”

“One scene completely ruined Ewoks and Chewbacca for me; I’ll never be able to look at them the same again!”

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