By Acton Murry
Racists were left breathless with excitement today, as London Mayor Sadiq Khan came forward supporting the wearing of face masks. Although the recent advice has clearly come in line with sound scientific knowledge, racists have been quick to push an alternative narrative.
“Of course he wants us covering our faces; he probably reckons we should give up pork too!” yelled avid racist and EDL supporter Grant Smith “Its Sharia law in the UK!”
We attempted to explain that the advice of covering your face in a time of a pandemic is just common sense, based on science. However, as Mr Smith tucked into a pasty with vigour while reading the Daily Mail, it became clear he was beyond approach. So we asked Sadiq Khan for comment instead:
“I felt like Alan Davies on QI” winced Mr Khan “I knew what people were manoeuvring me to say, I knew what some idiots would hint at if I said it. I could practically hear the klaxon booming in my ears! But I just couldn’t help myself,”
“Wearing a mask, especially in busy public areas, can help keep you and others safe, and I would encourage anyone to wear one,”
“Except racist bigots, you guys can go around licking handrails.”