By Tony Curram
Stricken beer brand Corona has been dealt yet another blow today, after realising the UK government have used their iconic ‘Corona and Lime’ as their colour scheme for public safety signage.
The beer company named ‘Corona’ became synonymous with the Coronavirus pandemic, causing a downward spiral of sales as idiots everywhere came to the conclusion that the beer must contain and cause Coronavirus. A company spokesperson said:
“You people make me sick! I haven’t slept in weeks! You’ve knocked hundreds of thousands of pounds off our company’s value with your idiocy. Let me give you some advice; Corona beer doesn’t cause Coronavirus, sugar soap doesn’t taste sweet, Red Bull doesn’t actually give you wings and Santa doesn’t exist! I hope your kids read that! Now good day!”
Such is the publics mistrust of the company brand that, despite being heavily discounted in most stores, shelf are still full of Corona beer crates. However, many have been quick to take offence to their intelligence being insulted and postulate an alternative explanation to the company’s poor performance.
“It’s shit,” said Marc Stewart from Ireland “a beer that you drink with fruit in it isn’t a beer; that’s a health drink. Get me a Guinness or at least a dark ale any day.”
“The only reason their sales have gone down is people are embarrassed to put it on their home delivery, and know a whole internet shopping pickers team are laughing at them and their crap taste in beer.”