Boris spit balls several new flavours of lockdown, including: ‘Lockdown lite’, ‘Lockdown Zero’ and ‘I can’t believe it’s not Lockdown’

By Tony Curram

Prime Minister Boris Johnson made his highly anticipated lockdown announcement yesterday, making minor reductions to the lockdown, laying out his five levels of panic, and which flavour of lockdown we’ll potentially be experiencing at each level. However many have been quick to criticise Mr Johnson’s messaging:

“Basically, to me, he’s just said if I don’t go to work today due to concerns about coronavirus, my boss can sack me” said a warehouse worker from Croydon who wishes to remain anonymous “I can’t work from home, so now I have to travel to work,”

“For some added COVID 19 fun; it’s too far to walk or cycle, so I get to take public transport with the other poor people. Or as the government probably prefer to refer to us as: Guinea pigs.”

Many have welcomed the news to start getting the economy gingerly back on its feet, however many unions have severe concerns over health and safety. One union representative who also wished to remain anonymous said:

“Are these employers aware of the corporate manslaughter law?! If someone in your employ dies due to you not adequately managing risk; you killed that person. If a lion was running rampant in your building, you’d send your staff home; you wouldn’t then go ‘ok guys, I’ve not seen it for a while, back to work’,”

“You’d make sure it was gone. Because if you didn’t and an employee got mauled; you’re going to prison. Business owners may be applauding Boris now, but I wonder how many will be thanking him when they’re in a court room in a few months’ time?”

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