‘Can I please get a haircut now?’ ask UK

By Tony Curram

With no sign in sight of the UK lockdown being lifted, many Britons are beginning to tire of being cooped up and are starting to ask the big questions: ‘when can I get rid of my kids to school and when can I get a professional haircut?’

“I look like a Ewok” said Mr Stevenson from Hull “I mean, I would say a Wookie. But I’m 5ft, so Ewok is probably more accurate. For the first time in my life I’ve had to start tucking my beard into my belt!”

With access to professional barbers closed, many are just letting Mother Nature have its way with their hair. But more and more are turning to DIY haircuts, with mixed results. Mr Heath from Bournemouth said:

“I just got the clippers and went for it; like mowing the lawn. I didn’t think anything of it until I was doing the weekly essentials shop and the store manager advised me that a man in my ‘condition’ is entitled to priority home delivery; I said I didn’t know they catered for people with dyslexia! That led to a very confused and awkward standoff.”

Thousands of parents everywhere are desperate for their spawn to return to school, giving back some much needed respite and sanity. However, many young adults are extremely grateful for the current school closure. 13 year old Scott Ripley from Kent said:

“How can I go back to school with this hair cut?! I’ll get beaten up! Mum gave me a right bowl cut; literally! She just chucked a bowl on my head and cut around it. Unfortunately it was my bowl from breakfast too, so I had to pick mashed Shreddies out of my hair. Nightmare!”

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