‘The end is Nigh!’ Scream religious zealots as ‘anti-Christ’ is born

By Tony Curram

Boris Johnson’s fiancée Carrie Symonds has given birth to a baby boy, the couple have announced, sparking something of a frenzy amongst religious Zealots.

A spokeswoman for the Prime Minister and his partner said both mother and baby are ‘doing very well’ after the birth in a London hospital on Wednesday morning, and confirmed ‘no horns or hoofs in sight’.

However the statement has failed to pacify many religious dooms day fanatics, for whom the circumstances are just too uncanny. Mr Ritchie from Kent said/raved:

“Can’t you see?! We’ve had famine! Well, not we per se; we over did it at Christmas as usual. But apparently some poor bods in the 3rd world have got it pretty bad. Anyway, then we had biblical floods, Australia was on fire; ON FIRE! Literal hell on Earth! And now we have pestilence!”

“These are clearly signs that the Anti-Christ is on its way; and why wouldn’t it be born to the Prime minister and his partner; out of wedlock no less!? It makes perfect sense! I’ll bet my tinfoil hat on it! Wake up sheeple!”

To abate fears of a demon child, Mr Johnson invited Home Secretary and part-demon Ms Patel to view ‘Baby Boris’, and check for any tale-tell signs. Ms Patel said:

“I can confirm Baby Boris is unfortunately just a standard, boring baby. Not sent here to end humanity”

“Although when he’s screaming at 2am, I’m sure Carrie and Boris will believe otherwise.”


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