By Tony Curram
Meteorologists have finally discovered the source behind the excellent weather we have been experiencing lately. The UK which is usually renowned for its poor weather and ability to rain sideways with no warning, has been beautifully sunny, and we can now reveal why; nature is taking the piss.
“We’ve poured over the data, and it’s pretty conclusive,” said BBC Meteorologist Carol Kirkwood “The day after we saw pubs and their beer gardens close, we saw a jump of 15 degrees Celsius in average temperatures. I’m not sure we’ve even seen a cloud since.”
While for some the glorious weather has been a god send, spending long days relaxing in the garden. But for many without outside spaces, being trapped indoors while the sun is shining has been a form of torture. But high-functioning alcoholics have been hit the hardest, Mr Stephens from Brighton said:
“It’s been horrific! I have the same thought and crushing realisation every morning! I wake up, see the sun’s shining. I know! I’ll go for a morning walk, stop off at a country pub for lunch, have a quick seven or eight pints in the beer garden then toddle back,”
“Only to realise the pubs are shut! And the wife wants me to do the Joe Wicks workout! It’s like Groundhog day!” At this point Mr Stephens became inconsolable and had to go for a lay down.
“Serves you lot right!” cackled Mother Nature “You’ve been treating me with total disregard for years! Now its pay back! Just you wait; you’re getting a hose pipe ban for summer, and floods for Christmas. You’re welcome.”