Anti-vaxxers placed on endangered species list

By Tony Curram

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Anti-vaxxers have been placed on the endangered species list last night, as virologists everywhere agree the only way to defeat Coronavirus is with a vaccine.

“This leaves anti-vaxxers in a precarious situation” said Prof Gilbert grimly, lead vaccine researcher at Oxford University “their natural habitat is mis-information, poorly conducted studies and the fact they have no living memory of how bad the pox was, and how it disappeared almost overnight thanks to vaccination”

“And that’s going to be torn down when everyone sees the death toll before and after a vaccine; it’ll be day and night. There’ll be no arguing with it”

To compound the matter, anti-vaxxers have little room to manoeuvre; if they take the vaccine, they’ll live but be hypocrites. If they refuse it, they’ll die off. Ms Pestilence, an anti-vaxxer from Missouri said:

“We anti-vaxers are a resilient breed; sure many of us may die, but some won’t, and they will be free to tell everyone ‘well I didn’t take the vaccine, and I’m ok’. And I’m sure one in a billion people will have a freak allergic reaction, so we’ll just pin all our focus on that.”

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Lead Botanist for Cambridge University, an expert on rare breeds of cabbage, had a different view on the species future:

“Like many plant and animal life, sometimes at times of great stressors, they cross breed, a modern example would be the Polar bear and Grizzly bear. We’ve been monitoring another type of Cabbage; 5G conspiracy fanatics,”

“We think when the Coronavirus has been put to bed by modern medicine and science, these two would be on the brink of extinction, and so could cross pollinate and make a new species,”

“Who knows what weird and wonderful crap they’ll believe? It’s an exciting possibility!”

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