Social distancing is for life, not just for 2020, insist introverts

By Tony Curram

The UK’s Chief Medical Officer has been slammed by introverts everywhere today after announcing social distancing will be required until at least the end of the year. With Introverts quick to point out that social distancing is required at all times.

“We have to be very realistic,” said Professor Chris Whitty “If people are hoping it’s suddenly going to move from where we are in lockdown to where suddenly into everything is gone, that is a wholly unrealistic expectation.”

Although Professor Whitt’s comments seemed reasonable, if not somewhat frustrating to most, many introverts have come forward and said Professor Whitty’s comments didn’t go far enough. Mr Clifford, a 32 year old introvert and virgin from Suffolk commented:

“Social distancing isn’t just for 2020; it’s for life! I can’t think of any reason to leave the house, short of medical emergency or the house being on fire. And even then, I’d have severe reservations. Need food? Order online. Need money? Learn a trade that fits remote working. Bored? Play World of Warcraft until your eyes bleed; it’s not difficult!”

However many members of society are struggling without the regular sense of touch and human interaction. Mrs Whitely, an 87 year old pensioner from Bournemouth said:

“Oh I miss going out, spending time with my friends at the Bingo hall. We’d go on a bit of a mad one and have a few Gins before the midday game and get a bit loose. I just miss physical contact; sometimes I’d get there early and help Jim get his balls out and give them a good rub before the draws.”


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