By Tony Curram
America has confirmed they will be employing vast numbers of fly tippers from the UK to help take away thousands of drums of oil, as the value per barrel hits negative; meaning they literally can’t give it away.
President trump speaking at one of his usual media circuses, made the announcement today:
“I tell ya, I’ve seen those plucky Brits. Great guys, entrepreneurs. Men after my own heart. Bravely ignoring the coronavirus threat, to go chuck rubbish in parks and forests. Great idea, super good for the environment. It all rots down, good for plants. I’ve seen the science”
“That’s why I’m going to get those guys over here. It’s a super plan, I’m brilliant really. They can take the stuff away and dispose of it in a manner in keeping with US environmental policy. Perfect. Beautiful.”
When asked by a professionally qualified journalist what exactly this solved, and if he actually had any actionable plan for preventing the spread of COVID19 and the rapidly crumbling economy, President Trump became combative:
“You are a fraud, absolute fake news. Why are you even here? Look how great I am. I’ve saved millions, ask anyone.”
Meanwhile UK fly tippers couldn’t be happier with the news. It comes just days after a new study discovered fly tippers are only marginally better than sex offenders.
“We really needed an image boost!” said a fly tipper who asked to remain anonymous, but we’ll be reporting anyway as they’re wan*ers.
“I mean, people don’t get fly tipping at the best of times, but when your actively breaking lock down and social distancing just to throw an old bed frame in a kids playground, people get a right mood on for some reason.”