New Zealand ask ‘What’s the problem?’ As they re-open their COVID-free country

By Tony Curram

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New Zealanders are confused by the world news stating there is an out of control global pandemic caused by COVID 19, after dealing with the virus within weeks and going to back to work.

New Zealand, which immediately called a lockdown and told all citizens returning to abroad to self-isolate for two weeks, had over 1000 cases and 14 deaths; they’re now going back to normal routine. Comparatively the UK is still to see the worst of the outbreak and has 129,044 cases and over 17,000 deaths.

Health Secretary Matt Hancock, who so far has managed to get some new badges for NHS staff (but not enough), was quick to defend the UK’s position:

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“We followed the scientific knowledge which was available at the time which, as COVID19 is a new disease, was little-to nothing. And therefore we did, well…nothing.”

“That’s the fickle thing about science; we’re always learning more. Like how contagious and deadly viruses have the capacity to be contagious and deadly”

New Zealand’s Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern almost followed a similar path; On 13 March, New Zealand was poised to host a mass vigil to mark the first anniversary of the Christchurch shooting, only cancelling and enforcing a lockdown at the last minute.

“Yea, I read the same scientific advice” admitted Prime Minister Ardern “But then I also read the big disclaimer part that said this was a new virus, so I tried a new ‘Cognitive Decision Technique’, which led me to decide to employ generic containment measures universal to most pathogens”

“Wow, what’s the ‘Cognitive Decision Technique’ you used?” asked an awestruck Mr Hancock.

Common sense; its called common sense.

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