Collective expletive heard nationwide; first wave of missed periods announces beginning of Lock-down baby boom

By Tony Curram

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Many were startled awake this morning after a collective “F*CK!” was heard throughout the UK this morning, as thousands took pregnancy tests just to ‘be safe’ after not being very safe at all.

At first many mistook the yell, which reached over 200 decibels in some areas, for an explosion. However panic soon shifted to mirth, as childless singles and families finished having children realised it was the announcement of the lockdown baby boom.

Mr Shaw, a single man from Devon, was awoken from his usual lockdown snooze:

“At first I thought it was an explosion, it was like the whole street went up. Then I heard the couple next door through the wall and I started grinning; that’ll serve them right for keeping me awake all night.”

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Mr and Mrs Smith, Mr Shaw’s neighbours said: “Now that we’ve calmed down, we’re obviously thrilled; we’ve been trying for a while. At least that’s what we’ll be telling our parents and un-born child. Telling a kid they’re only in this world because their parents had completed Netflix and the internet was down seems like the kind of thing to incite self-confidence issues.”

Mr and Mrs Smith may be the first but won’t be the last, with many experts predicting a mini baby boom as just one of many side effects of the lockdown imposed to curb the spread of COVID19.

Mr Shaw chuckled: “If they’re lucky, the restaurants and pubs will all open just in time for them never to go again!”

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