‘We can’t buy PPE and tests from businesses MP’s didn’t invest in’, explains Health Secretary

My Tony Curram

The UK, like many countries, is suffering a shortage of PPE due to the COVID 19 global pandemic. However, despite our dire need for the equipment, many small UK firms have announced that the government have ignored their offers of help.

Mr Burgess from Ipswich, runs a small textiles factory and has offered to make gowns and face masks for the NHS, but has yet to hear back from the government,

“There’s at least a dozen independent companies that I know of who have offered to switch production, but we’ve all been ignored. Yet Burberry and Barbour are all producing PPE? It doesn’t make sense…” Said a perplexed Mr Burgess.

It’s not just PPE, many pharmaceutical firms offered to start testing for COVID 19, but were ignored. Only to see the health secretary weeks later pleading on national TV for help. The head of a fully equipped laboratory in Leicester said they approached the NHS on March 17 and said they would be happy to use all of their capacity to help the health service, but are yet to receive a response.

“It’s not that straight forward” explained Mr Hancock “You see, we desperately need the help, but if we accidentally pour money into a company that prominent MP’s haven’t invested in then we won’t get a nice dividend to go buying up all the dead poor people’s stuff! So you see, it’s really tricky.”

“I mean, Mr Rees-Mogg would be furious if he went from a projected £1million dividend to a mere £800,000 due to under-performing investments!”

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