By Tony Curram
The Minister for care Helen Whately realised to her dismay this morning why none of her colleagues want to go on Good Morning Britain. MP’s decided last night to play a virtual game of straws to decide who would go on the show; Mrs Whately drew the short straw to gasps of relief from her co-workers.
“I didn’t get what all the fuss was about!” Mrs Whately began “all I had to talk about was the great job the NHS was doing, people are loving that at the moment. How hard could it be? I thought… how wrong I was.”
Mrs Whately held up reasonably well to a barrage of questions about care home deaths and PPE for carers, and then Piers Morgan (a seasoned interviewer and just all round git) delivered a one-two combo asking firstly: “If you think nurses are doing such a great job and are undervalued, how did you vote on the abolishing of the 1% pay increase?”
Mrs Whately was clearly thrown for a second, even her video feed froze. As she tried to stammer out a mediocre response to back paddle away from the subject, Mr Morgan followed up with a demand to know how many NHS and care workers had died during the pandemic.
“That’s when I really lost the plot and started making things up; I started saying things like I needed to make sure the families had declared the death and all sorts of things (you don’t, you need their permission to name the dead, not account for them).” Mrs Whately walked away in tears.
“Can someone bottle some of those tears up for me please?” asked a salivating Mr Morgan “They’ll sustain me for another week.”
Mr Morgan helpfully emailed across a to-do list for the clearly struggling MP with things such as ‘count how many of your employees have died in work’. You know; the basic thing that any other employer on Earth has to track and mitigate against, and would be arrested for corporate manslaughter if they were negligent.
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