Youngest child always ‘Satan Spawn’ new study finds

By Tony Curram

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A new study, conducted in a household in Surrey, has confirmed that the youngest born is most likely to display demonic tendencies.

Mr Evans, a father of 4 from Surrey, has made the extensive observations over the past few weeks and compiled his findings; the youngest are the spawn of the Devil.

“None of the others did this! Look!” yelled an exasperated Mr Evans, pointing to where a potted plant had previously happily lived and was now strewn across the living room floor. A series of muddy foot prints led to where the demon child had ran off to.

We followed Mr Evans through the house, where we located the toddler who had apparently armed himself with a coat hanger (from god knows where), and was beating the radiator like a drum whilst sitting on his screaming sister, pinning her to the ground.

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Mr Evans picked the child up, only to receive a bite on the shoulder.

“This is what I’m talking about! He’s the youngest and yet he terrorises all his siblings! Every wall has a dent in it. He only stops eating when my back is turned, so he can rub food into the carpet. He waits until the nappy is off, and then off he runs around the house! Naked! I’ve spoken to other parents; they agree too! The youngest is the devil child!”

We sat down with the child and played a lovely game; he even gave us a hug! And then we realised five minutes later the hug was a ploy to get our pen, which he used to write on the walls.

We promptly left the property.

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