“Why was there already an emoji with a face mask?” 5G conspiracy theorists demand to know.

By Tony Curram


5G conspiracy theorists have revealed yet another piece of compelling ‘evidence’ today, after discovering a phone emoji wearing PPE.

“Why are the emoji’s wearing PPE?!” raved Mr Whittleton of Lancing “They knew this virus was coming! Because they know it’s caused by 5G! Because they’re in the phone, and they know things about phones… and things…” Mr Whitteton tailed off at this point in confusion.

The weird craze of burning 5G towers occurring in the UK at the moment appears to be due to a circulation of faked videos and images on the internet, apparently showing the negative health effects of 5G and voodoo-science.


Many are mistakenly linking the spread of Coronavirus with the rollout of 5G; despite the fact the virus is in several countries that don’t yet use 5G. Others are citing ‘radiation’ emitted by the towers, despite them being normal radio waves just of a higher frequency, still within safe zones for living organisms as they are non-ionising.

“It’s the corporations!” declared Mr Whitteton, ready for round 2 of sh*t that never happened “they don’t care if we get sick and die!”

When asked how successful could the business model of a company be that plans to kill everyone everywhere, and why they would themselves live in a world of 5G knowing its detrimental effects, Mr Whitteton went cross-eyed and started dribbling.

Mr Whitteton is currently in a critical but stable condition in hospital, recovering from a severe logical fallacy.


Leave a Reply