By Tony Curram
The Easter Bunny as today been arrested by Surrey police whilst attempting to carry out his first rounds of the Easter Holiday. Mr Bunny was under the impression that due to his role of spreading diabetes and cheer, he would come under the ‘Key Worker’ umbrella.
“This is beyond a joke!” Exclaimed Mr Bunny “the whole situation is highly frustrating! I waited in line for 2hours to get into Tesco’s to collect my eggs! Then as I was moving through the car park, two police officers strolled over and starting looking through my bags!”
The Police officers were apparently under instructions to look out for people who were out buying items not classed as necessities, or flaunting the lock down during the Easter Holidays. When they sighted Mr Bunny and his 20,000 Easter eggs, they promptly decided he was ‘taking the p*ss’.
“It’s difficult to gauge with mythical creatures, and we don’t always get it right” admitted Chief of Police for Surrey “I mean, if it had been Santa then he’s a pretty clear cut Key Worker; no one wants to be on the naughty list for arresting Santa!”
“Our officers complete a comprehensive 2 week in-house course for treatment and handling of mythical creatures; a giant rabbit that goes around handing out chocolate Easter eggs isn’t on the syllabus. My officers made the best judgement call at the time.”
“What’s an egg got to do with Jesus? That’s just peddling corporate greed! That’s what my ‘woke’ sister says anyway” Said PC Steel.
“That’s when the Bunny started getting mouthy, saying ‘the egg is a universal symbol for re-birth and resurrection, of which Easter Sunday is all about; Christians have decorated eggs for hundreds of years. It’s just in modern times an already decorated and tasty chocolate egg is more appealing’. Whatever that means”
“Granted, the Taser may have been a tad too far”