Naughty- Naughty Mr Moggy! Caught profiteering from Coronavirus.

By Tony Curram

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Jacob Rees-Mogg today has declared he was just as ‘surprised’ as the UK public to discover the finance company, which Mr Rees-Mogg has a 15% stake in, was purposefully profiteering from coronavirus. Which we can only assume means he’s not surprised at all.

Finance firm Somerset Capital Management (SCM), which is investing in businesses hit by falling share values, declared Coronavirus a “once in a generation” chance of “super normal returns”. This comes just days after the Business Secretary warned banks to “not be arse-holes”, and instructed them to offer struggling businesses favourable rates; even if potentially taking a loss themselves.

Although Mr Rees-Mogg was quick to point out he’d stood down as a director of SCM so he could become Leader of the Commons last July, he kept a 15% stake, meaning he was entitled to a reported £1million share of last year’s £19.5million profits; and would have been in the know.

“Well of course I’m as surprised as everyone!” Explained Mr Rees-Mogg, sounding like a 1980’s Bond villain reject “By surprised I mean, surprised this was leaked. Someone’s not going to be getting their bonus this year!”

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Although it may stand to reason that some finance industries will inevitably follow where there’s money to be made, many agree that the finance sector, which was mostly to blame for the recession several years ago which resulted in banks being propped up with billions of tax payer money, should take the hit. Using its vast resources to assist where it could.

Recently appointed Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer, who said: “Nobody should be seeking to take advantage of this crisis. We should all be asking ourselves what we can do for our country and each other.”

“But I did exactly that!” retorted Mr Rees-Mogg “Except I asked what could I do for my shareholders!”

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