Wimbledon to be replaced with highlight reel of McEnroe losing his sh*t

By Tony Curram

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It has been announced that Wimbledon has been cancelled due to the coronavirus pandemic; the first time since World War Two. Apparently someone who is paid a staggering amount of money has managed to spend several weeks coming to the conclusion that 40,000 people packing into a stadium at this time was, in fact, a bad idea.

“This is a decision that we have not taken lightly, and we have done so with the highest regard for public health and the wellbeing of all those who come together to make Wimbledon happen,” said Ian Hewitt, All England Lawn Tennis Club chairman.

“To ease the disappointment, we have sat down with key stakeholders to figure out what it really is people watch Wimbledon for, and put together a ‘best of’ highlights reel that will show instead; it’s gripping viewing!”

The reel is said to mostly contain famed tennis hot head, John McEnroe, absolutely losing his mind. Combined with some added never seen before footage of him kicking puppies after a match, and spliced up with the occasional piece of footage of Tim Henman crying into his towel, the footage is said to make interesting viewing.

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The tournament was due to be played between 29 June and 12 July however, all professional tennis world wide has been put on hold until at least the 13 July, meaning the prestigious event would have to be severely delayed at best.

“Our thoughts are with all those who have been and continue to be affected by these unprecedented times,” Continued Mr Hewitt “Especially those in the strawberries and cream industry.”

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