By Tony Curram
A father of 4 from Surrey is recovering today following an unfortunate incident at the family home. Mr Evans was attempting to get dressed for the first time in a week, after losing track of time terribly during isolation.
“My wife began to comment on the smell,” began Mr Evans, nursing his forehead, a bruise the same size and shade of a plum just visible between his fingers “I thought she was just being rude, and told her I’d last showered Tuesday evening; the day before.” Mr Evans shifted uncomfortably in his seat, looking sheepish “That’s when she informed me it wasn’t Wednesday as I believed, but in fact Monday again. I did think my PJ’s were looking crusty.”
Mr Evans stated he then immediately took himself upstairs, extracted some clean clothes and went straight into the shower. It is believed Mr Evans overlooked the lock on the bathroom door during his embarrassed rush to carryout basic hygiene. That’s when disaster struck.
“There I was, singing a cool rock & roll jam (definitely not a Frozen tune, don’t believe anything those kids say) as I always do in the shower. I was just getting the usual citrus-menthol scent from the shower gel, when I then also started getting the unmistakable scent of poo. I’ll admit; I’m of an age now. At first I thought something was terribly wrong me.”
At that moment, Mr Evans heard a noise which made him pull back the shower curtain to find his eldest sat happily on the toilet, mid-strain. To compound things, another minion was ‘making a potion’ in the bathroom sink with the shower gels and a third was playing with the scales.
“I shouted to my wife for help but heard no answer, so I got out of the shower still half washed. The smell of poo was overwhelming; definitely one of my boys best work. I was attempting to wrestle the shower gels from my toddler, when I slipped backwards and tripped over yet another toddler and went, as you say; arse about tit.”
Mrs Evans had just arrived in the doorway, carrying their infant child and described the scene before her: “It was bloody hilarious!” Cackled Mrs Evans in delight, barely able to catch her breath “I did offer my sympathies; I said why didn’t you watch where you were going? But that just made him moodier for some reason. He’s been in his ‘man cave’ sulking ever since.”
“I’m not coming out until this Corona thing has gone away,” declared a sullen Mr Evans “Or until the kids are 18 and moved out, whatever comes first.”