“Thank f*ck for that!” Says planet

By Tony Curram


The Coronavirus pandemic that’s sweeping the globe has been devastatingly disruptive to the lives of humans all over. So far according to Worldometer statistics the global death toll is a chilling 30,000 and rising, with another 660,000 suffering the effects of the virus.

To compound the bad news, many experts in the field of virology and Geography and Environmental Science (I didn’t know that was a thing either, probably worth a google), believe the virus could keep coming back in waves. There is one winner in all of this though; planet Earth.

NASA’s Earth Observatory pollution satellites show “significant decreases” in air pollution over China since the Coronavirus outbreak began.
Image courtesy of NASA.

“Thank f*ck for that!” Proclaimed planet Earth “I developed these ticks around 200,000 years ago but lately they’ve become a right pain. Fortunately a touch of plague seems to have soothed it for now. If they keep their shenanigans up, I might try drought, or famine. Or really double down on the plague thing.”

The third rock from the sun and only habitable planet known to support life. Named Earth by its inhabitants, a synonym of ‘dirt’ and in general is treated with the same regard. The planet has been suffering catastrophic damage since around the industrial revolution in the West; Ozone depletion, rising sea levels and temperatures. Did you know nearly all sea life contains micro plastic? We’re now eating plastic. Any day now we’re going to crap out a Mega Block.


Even with the damage now becoming noticeable to even the most staunch climate change deniers (even Jeremey Clarkson had an ‘ah, we’ve f*cked it’ moment’), ‘Woke’ individuals still keep jumping on planes 2-3 times a year; we buy and throw away plastic bottles in the millions and we drive distances our hearts and lungs really could do with us waking instead. Or at least we did, until a few months back.

“Ever since there’s been a real threat to our existence, not one that’s difficult to comprehend because of the scale of it, but one that actually gets on the news, I’ve realised how little I actually need to use my car” said Shaun Phillips from Basingstoke “And who needs to go on holiday abroad? Who knew stay-cations on the sofa eating Oreos in front of the TV could be so revitalizing!”

This simple act of minimising personal movement, combined with the wheels of industry slowing for 5 minutes has had an astounding impact on the environment in a very short space of time; the water is so clear in Venice, Dolphins can be seen for the first time in years; China’s carbon emissions alone have dropped by around 100 million metric tonnes, that’s 6% of global production, and cities worldwide are reporting improvements in air quality (which could be lifesaving, given Coronavirus’s preferred method of attacking the lungs).

There are many uncertainties and secondary affects surrounding the Coronavirus pandemic, but perhaps the most surprising one is the real, measurable and positive change we have made on the environment in such a short amount of time. Just by having PJ days and walking; brilliant! One thing is for sure, after this pandemic is over, we will have to all think about our daily habits moving forward, and their environmental implications.

Well that got a little heavy! What do you think? Leave a comment below, on Facebook or Twitter.


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