PM’s First cabinet address from isolation ‘a disaster’ as Skype freezes on PM’s sex face

By Acton Murry

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The Prime Ministers first cabinet meeting ended abruptly and in disarray today due to technical difficulties. Mr Johnson has taken the chief medical officers advice, and self-isolated himself, much to the relief of his partner Miss Symonds.

However, the meeting was filled with faux paus from the start; health secretary Matt Hancock couldn’t turn on his microphone and Dominic Raab temporarily forgot how to sit down. The meeting finally started but barely got past the formalities when Mr Johnsons video feed froze on a particularly unpleasant angle.

“It was awful!” Whimpered a shaken Michael Gove “He had just leaned forward to re-adjust and pulled an expression much like a bulldog chewing a wasp, when the feed froze! Poor Carrie, I don’t know how she puts up with it! Doggy I’d imagine.”

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The meeting ended in disarray as MP’s fled the room in horror, with several requiring medical treatment for minor panic attacks. The Prime minister is adamant to persevere, and had hoped that modern technology would enable him to stay at the helm.

“Unfortunately, that technology runs on the infrastructure that his former party leaders have massively underfunded over the years just like our now stretched public services,” chimed in a smug Diane Abbott “By about eleventy-two bergillion pounds,”

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