By Acton Murry
Scandal has befouled the iconic bake off tent after James Buckley, most famously known for his role as Jay from Inbetweeners, laced his baked goods with cannabis to win favour with the judges. Suspicion was first aroused when presenter Paul Hollywood tried a bite of Mr Buckleys Swiss Roll and proclaimed it ‘excellent’.
“I thought he said he couldn’t even bake!” proclaimed professional gob sh*te Scarlett Moffatt “And there he is, nearly getting a hand shake from bloody Paul Hollywood!” At first, the charade appeared to be harmless, and working in Mr Buckleys favour. However, as the tastings continued, disaster struck.
“I didn’t expect Prue to eat all of it! But in hindsight, blitzing magic mushrooms into the buttercream was a mistake” said a sheepish Mr Buckley. A heavily chemically dosed Prue Leith began dancing around the tent, before attempting to snog Sandi Toksvig and Scarlett Moffatt.
A heavily stoned Paul Hollywood bumbled over, attempting to split the scene up but inadvertently barged Patsy Palmer clean through the tent wall, causing a section of the tent to fall down and collapsed onto a meditating Noel Fielding.
The presenters are said to be recovering at home, with the exception of Prue Leith, who was last seen stripping off and running across the grounds naked declaring ‘I’m a busy bee! Bzzzz!’
“How was I supposed to expect the tent to fall down and lay across Patsy’s still hot oven and combust?! Honestly, that was a fire hazard waiting to happen.
“Anyway, I won. So bake off? Completed it mate.”
Looking for something to keep you occupied? Baking would be a great way to pass the time in isolation! Click here for the Bake off official recipe book and some starter kit ideas. The best part? Have it delivered to your door!