Panic as Coronavirus jumps species barrier, infecting prime ape

By Acton Murry

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The World Health Organisation (WHO) has responded with alarm as it has been confirmed a prime ape has been infected with the virus in London. The patient has been confirmed as Prime ape Minister Boris Johnson, showing that the virus has the potential to transcend species barriers.

“This is deeply troubling,” confirmed Dr Tedros Adhanom, head of the WHO “If the virus can jump from human to ape, it could be capable of jumping again to, for example, dogs. We should begin monitoring Katie Hopkins for signs and symptoms at once.”

A spokesman for number 10 confirmed that the Prime Minister has indeed tested positive for corona virus, and that he is in high spirits. “Bahh! Booo! Carpe Diem!” shouted Mr Johnson, delirious with fever “It’s that bloody Nadine Dorries fault! I’ll have her flogged, that’ll cheer me up.”

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“Isn’t it dreadful?” beamed Priti Patel ominously, her horns fully on show due to groomers having to shut. “Poor Mathew Hancock and Boris, I just hope Sir Rutnam doesn’t get it” Ms Patel grinned and licked her lips “That would be… tragic.”

It is believed the PM is having very mild symptoms and that there is no immediate concern for his health and with rest he should recover fully.

His partner, Miss Carrie Symonds said in a statement: “My only concern for now is that he hasn’t passed it to me and our unborn baby, as for him? Hopefully it means he’ll give me some peace and stop humping my leg.”

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