‘Clap for the NHS’ had GUM clinics alarmed and confused

By Acton Murry

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A slogan going around on social media stating ‘Clap for the NHS’ has had many people working in GUM clinics preventing and treating sexually transmitted infections alarmed and confused. People are being encouraged to give a big round of applause from their gardens, front doors, balconies and windows at 8pm tonight, however the wording had many worried.

“You’re proposing what?!” Said one concerned Nurse “The NHS is at breaking point, we’re already dealing with a pandemic, we don’t need another infection to deal with! Let alone have the time even for a quickie to catch it! Not to mention the legalities.”

After a brief period of confusion, many were placated by the further explanation of what was intended, however many had additional concerns.

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“Thank you for your support, it’s a lovely gesture even if none of us will see it. However if you really want to help the NHS you could do the following; Quit smoking, reduce alcohol consumption, increase exercise, lose weight, cease recreational drug use, stop using A&E for minor ailments.”

At this point, our reporter attempted to leave but the nurse continued: “Stop attacking paramedics, stop robbing from hospitals, stop driving recklessly, stop using the NHS to prescribe over the counter medication at an inflated rate and stop voting in w*nkers that remove nurse bursary’s in the first place and axe our budget.”

“Actually, it turns out there’s a lot you could do to help other than a round of applause. But most importantly; STAY INDOORS!”

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