France unable to surrender to Coronavirus due to white flag shortage

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By Acton Murry

A shortage of white flags has left France in complete disarray today after realising they won’t be able to enact their plan A for managing coronavirus; Surrender. Many French nationals are in open panic at the prospect of not being able to enact their most sacred of traditions to truly throw in the towel.

The act of surrendering is so engrained in French culture that in French schools, children as young as 6 are taught how to wave a white flag. However, due to the lockdown and staff shortages caused by coronavirus, French white flag production has been crippled.

“It’s a disaster!” Proclaimed French President Emmanuel Macron “We had planned to enact a mass surrender, which would naturally lead to a mass self-isolation as people go into hiding. Instead, people have defaulted to the next closest thing; Fleeing”.

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The French Government in response has released its emergency wine and cheese stores in an attempt to placate the populace, stabilise the economy and slow the spread of the Coronavirus. However this has led many to worry this could weaken the French economy, causing a recession.

“The French Government only has a certain level of reserves, and there’s only so much wine and cheese you can borrow!” said political correspondent Acton Murry “Many are concerned what happens when these stop gap measures run out, and the French people begin running around in mass hysteria with cheese and Coronavirus breath!”

“Still it could be worse” added Mr Macron “We could be panic buying toilet roll and punching OAP’s”

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