Britain to write sternly worded letter in tougher measures against Coronavirus

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By Acton Murry

Britain today has announced new tough measures to counter the Coronavirus threat; in addition to the temporary closure of schools and cessation of sporting events, the UK is planning to write a very sternly worded letter.

So far in the UK five people with the virus have died, possibly due to old age or the virus (who really knows?), with a further 319 confirmed cases. Dr Harries said the vast majority of those diagnosed with coronavirus in Britain are “pretty well” but that they may “feel a bit rough for a few days”.

“Take it on the chin!” Gruffed Boris Johnson “It’s only killing the elderly and infirmed, and they don’t pay taxes so….. “ At this point the PM shrugged and walked off muttering about going cot shopping.

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Health minister Nadine Dorries stated: “In light of my recent diagnosis of Coronavirus, I’m going to whittle away the time writing a sternly worded letter telling coronavirus what a rotter he is.

When asked what measures she had taken to prepare for the illness, Mrs Dorries said: “I’ve got a few extra cans of soup in the cupboard, as that’s all im going to be able to eat, some paracetamol and ibuprofen and I’m going to sleep for a week…Toilet roll? Why would I panic buy that? It’s the Flu, not diarrhoea.

“Although, I did buy 3 crates of Gin”

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