UK raises Coronavirus threat from ‘mild inconvenience’ to ‘let’s put the kettle on’

By Acton Murry

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As the EU raises its virus risk level in light of the world wide death toll raising to more than 3,000, the UK has followed suite, raising our Coronavirus threat from ‘mild inconvenience’ to ‘let’s put the kettle on’. UK health experts have supported the move, after shifting from being mildly intrigued to miffed.

The EU has raised the threat level from moderate to high, owing to the virus’s spread to several countries outside of China including the USA, Italy and South Korea.

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However, despite the death toll now being higher than 3,000, many experts are keen to point out that In the UK alone, anywhere between 600-13,000 people die per year from Influenza; the UK’s current Coronavirus death toll is zero.

Health secretary Matt Hancock shrugged: “I’m not worried. Worst case scenario, we’ll just give it a cabinet role; it’ll quit in a week”

“And hopefully it’ll take Priti Patel with it”.

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