Boris Johnson breaks world record for number of Latin expletives yelled in under one minute

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By Acton Murry

Boris Johnson has once again proved why he’s worthy of the top position of office this evening by breaking not one, but potentially two records this evening after announcing his partner Carrie Symonds is expecting his child; firstly if they tie the knot, he will be the first prime minister to have got divorced and married in office since the Earl of Grafton in 1769. And secondly, the number of Latin expletives yelled in under one minute.

Ms Symonds said on her personal Instagram account “Many of you already know but for my friends that still don’t, we got engaged at the end of last year… and we’ve got a baby hatching early summer. Feel incredibly blessed”.

Many have been keen to focus on the choice of word ‘hatching’, speculating that the couple could be expecting a partially reptilian-like child.

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Many members of the Tory party have been quick to give their congratulations to the supreme leader. Former chancellor Sajid Javid, who resigned from government after Mr Johnson rescinded on a previously agreed Pokemon card trade, offered the couple his congratulations, tweeting it was “wonderful news”.

He went on “I’ve never really met Carrie, I mean sure, I dropped a few documents off while Boris was out. It was only polite that I stayed for a coffee. Interesting side note, Carrie’s great, great, great grandads second cousin twice removed was from Pakistan and as we all know, that can skip a generation or two”

Boris had the following to say “Faex, Cane, Deodamnatus, Irrumator, Bovis Stercus, Lupa, Filius Canis….” “Yea, he’s still going” interjected Ms Symonds.

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